Why I Don’t Deserve to be Executed

I recently watched a man in a full surrender position, fearful for his life, hands in the air, while instructions are barked at him and in the next moment I watched him topple over, like a wilted flower, lifeless while blood drips down the closed window staining the silver car door and pools underneath his lifeless body. In an instant this man, Terence Crutcher, went from a father of four, musician and student to a statistic and a hashtag. It does something to your psyche when that same man looks like your father, your uncles or you. It does something to you when you have to explain to people the reasons why authorities, sworn to protect and serve, should not to be allowed to execute unarmed citizens. It does something to you to explain why it’s important that those authorities are held criminally responsible. It does something to you have to continually validate your right to live.

I watched a 12 year old child, Tamir Rice playing in a park in an open-carry state, but for the fact that the perpetrators were police officers, it would have been considered a drive-by execution. The officers opened fire in 1.8 seconds from the car door opening, which by my math is not nearly enough time to declare the warning “Drop the gun and put your hands in the air!” Even an auctioneer couldn’t get off those 10 words in 1.8 seconds. The officers in that incident were not even indicted, which means despite the video evidence, there was insufficient evidence to even CHARGE them with a POTENTIAL crime. The idea of a 12-year old child being legally executed drive-by style without warning, means life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness did not apply to Tamir. Tamir and many of the other American citizens now known as hashtags didn’t receive the presumption of innocence. Dead people don’t get due process.

For many Americans, these lives are just stories, they aren’t real.

In Syria, there is the largest humanitarian crisis since World War II, impacting millions of people, but most Americans couldn’t find Syria on a map. Even a Presidential candidate was blissfully unaware of one of its largest cities at the center of the conflict. Not only is it far away, but it doesn’t really affect our daily lives. There are no refugee camps in our cities and it takes years for the few numbers of refugees to make it to American shores. While that may seems heartless, I can conceptually understand the idea of Americans disconnecting and not relating to the Syrian refugee crisis, we have the “privilege” to ignore it. What I have been more troubled by is the apathy, the resentment and disdain for American citizens in American cities being executed on video. Our inability to see ourselves in Black American citizens is profound and deeply disturbing. We’ve seen slain unarmed citizens on video in St. Paul, Tulsa, Baton Rouge, Chicago, New York, Charleston, Jacksonville, Cleveland, Charlotte, Oakland and many more. The only reason I can conclude that Americans would not care about slain unarmed citizens is either they were convinced those citizens deserved their death sentence or like Syrian refugees, cannot identify with the slain. I’m not sure which is worse.

For Black Americans, these aren’t just news stories or hashtags, they are VERY real. Statistically speaking, I’m far more likely to be killed by a police officer than an ISIS terrorist. Think about that for a second. There are people that are sworn enemies of all democratic nations, that kill and maim indiscriminately and I am far more likely to die at the hands of an American government official whose salary I’m paying for with my taxes.

I’ve spent most of my life trying to make sure people are less threatened by my presence.

Not just because it’s extremely off-putting to have people threatened by your very existence, but also for my own survival. I choose to wear glasses over contacts because it’s less threatening. I often take the bass out of my voice when speaking to people I don’t know. I don’t wear hooded sweatshirts after sunset. I often wear t-shirts branded with my alma maters, not just because of school pride, but because people are less threatened when they identify you as someone that attended a prestigious private school. I don’t sag my pants, I don’t wear gold jewelry, I don’t wear sports jerseys, I don’t wear hats of sports teams, and I only wear basketball shoes when I’m actually playing basketball. These are rules that I set for myself to try my best to not “fit the description.” That may sound neurotic to some, but even with that I know that anyone at any time can bypass all of that and decide in their own minds that I am a threat and LEGALLY execute me.

When strangers see me, they see a 6’6” 250 lb Black male that “looks like a bad dude”. They don’t see an American, a husband, a father. They don’t see my undergraduate and graduate degree. They don’t know that I haven’t been in a fight since 3rd grade. They don’t know that I have never owned a weapon. They don’t know that I have never and will never do any illicit drugs, even if they are made legal. There are many Americans that see me as a threat, not a human, not an American, but a THREAT and regardless of what I wear, how I act, what I say or don’t say, that threat remains.

There are reasons that most Americans feel threatened by foreign terrorists, but not by police officers, despite the statistics. Despite trillions of dollars spent, military interventions, mass government surveillance and the most advanced technology in the world, Americans still don’t feel safe. Not only are there threats abroad planning attacks, but there are lone wolf actors radicalized here at home. Imagine if the threat to your safety wasn’t abroad, and wasn’t a lone wolf but rather a police officer driving behind you on your way home to your family. The government hasn’t spent trillions of dollars, the military hasn’t intervened, and many officers have dashcams and body cams. Most of America hasn’t even recognized it as a problem. I can call 911, I can record the entire encounter myself, I can comply with my hands in the air, but there is absolutely no assurance that I won’t become the next hashtag, but at least I will no longer be a threat.