I can’t right now.

I cannot write now.

It is happening again. My head health is not cooperating with me.

I want to be the positive person, I want to be there for you. I just can’t really seem to find the joy inside to spread.

I have moments of great clarity, followed by deep despair.

I feel so trapped, locked inside, going nowhere. The world around me is constantly disappointing my sense of justice, fairness and I am really scared.

How can a woman who hates public schools be in charge of our department of education?

How can we say, “land of the free” if we handcuff a 5-year old in the airport?

How come nothing that is in place to prevent a tyrannical government is working?

How can we live like this for another second let alone the next four years?

I don’t know if I can do it, you guys. I really don’t.

All the unnecessary suffering, I just want to run away. I just wish I could leave. I don’t like it here.

I was just starting to feel less trapped. This always seems to happen. As soon as I build some confidence, start to feel more secure, things get real fucking scary in the world.

I don’t want to go anywhere around here. I want to pack lightly and get on a plane. I want to get through the port of entry and never look at this fucking place again.

There are so many people I love and would miss, I don’t have the means to get out… I want this to stop right now.

I want this country to remember a time when we weren’t afraid of each other. I want to set our priorities right again, abandon any blueprints for walls and build bridges instead.

I want the sense of entitlement to be replaced with a sense of gratitude, duty and affection for everyone who calls this place home.

I want us to live up to what we promised to be for ALL citizens, not just ‘some.’

I want the creepy fuckers that are plastered all over the TV to GO AWAY! I want people to think in long form, not in sound bites.

I am spiraling in a murky marsh of mass confusion. I can’t make sense of any of this…

How can people so evil really lead us anywhere but where I am right now?

I don’t feel any better. I’m sorry.

-Cyborg