5 People Kind of Like Donald Trump Who Would Make a Worse President Than He Would
1. Randall Flagg —
from Stephen King’s The Stand (and 8 other novels) is hands-down King’s greatest villain, in my opinion. Fictional character, but my presidential possibles pool is shallow.
Like Trump:
Flagg’s plans tend to center around creating conflict and wreaking havoc that will result in civilization’s total destruction.
Worse than Trump:
Flagg is a sorcerer and a prophet who can influence human behavior. Trump only possesses one of these three traits.
2. Ted Bundy
Serial killer and necrophiliac who was executed for his crimes in 1989, at the age of 42. So, dead. But again, shallow pool of possibles here.
Like Trump:
Charismatic narcissistic sociopath who lied unrelentingly and without remorse until the bitter end, then confessed to his crimes, then recanted his confession at the last possible moment and laughed at the world. Obsessed with controlling society because it humored him. Felt entitled to take what he wanted from women without their permission.
Worse than Trump:
What he wanted from women was to torture-murder them and have sex with their dead bodies.
3. Billy Bush
Born into a family that includes two ex-presidents, Billy ‘the bushy’ Bush made a name for himself as a radio and television news personality, but he’s a free agent now! He’s almost surely already hired a ghostwriter to craft the bestseller that is to be his punishment for being a total narcissistic douchecanoe.
PLEA TO THE READERS HERE: Even if someone leaves it in the seat pocket on the plane, do not read Bushy’s book. Take a nap. Organize your inbox. See how many tiny empty bottles you can collect before you land. ANYTHING.
Like Trump:
Similar Day-Glo orange tint and standing-on-end hair. A real life Trump protege, he likes the ladies; took full advantage of the pussy-grabbing Trump tutorial, graduated with honors to become an instant Donald Trump wing man.
Worse than Trump:
Only 45 years old to Trump’s 70+, the Bushy could realistically be around for 45 more. Trump will shed his skin and return to the Underworld long before that.
4. The Reverend Jim Jones
Jones would never have run for POTUS; instead, he Pied-Pipered the members of his cult to Guyana, where he presided over his OWN nation, known as (Duh. Could they be any more predictable?) JONESTOWN, of course. And of THIS position of power, his needs could not be satiated.
Like Trump:
Preemptively convinced his followers of the existence of a huge conspiracy to destroy him (and vicariously, to destroy them), so that when his insanity was challenged, they would remain loyal as he threw an “I told you so!” tantrum.
Worse than Trump:
While behaving like a giant toddler, he demanded and presided over the murders and/or suicides of 918 more followers than Trump has ever killed yet…Because if he couldn’t have it HIS way, then NO ONE was going to have it ANY WAY AT ALL.
5. Sarah Palin
I’m from Alaska, and I dream of revoking Sarah Palin’s residency. Arizona needs more Sarah Palin.
Like Trump/Worse than Trump:
This clip says it ALL. I rest my case.
See? A Trump presidency ISN’T the absolute worse thing that could happen to America! So, suck it up, stop whining and count your blessings
